BREAKING: Hillary And Chelsea Clinton Involved In Serious Boating Accident

It seems that nobody knew the Clintons were there or that they were involved in the accident until a resident at the ER in Piedmont recognized the former Secretary of State. Dr Alan D Cronin told Skip Tetheluda:

“The ER was locked down and the press was blacklisted. I don’t understand how you got here so fast. Anyway, the Clintons were both taken to the roof and airlifted to Chicago because her husband wanted her to get ‘quality care in a blue state.’”
Bill Clinton hasn’t been available for comment, but a spokesman said he is headed that way:

“President Clinton is going to his wife and daughters’ bedsides. Hopefully you idiots will wait until tomorrow to blame this on him somehow.”
The Clintons and their spokespeople have gotten snarkier over time.

Dr. Cronin says the women are both critical and that the next few hours will be touch and go.

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